One morning, I opened my eyes, climbed out of bed, looked in the mirror, and saw the scariest thing EVER. I had mysteriously turned into a full blown adult and mother. Crazy how that happens, right? Yeah, I agree. Somehow, in the blink of an eye, my whole life had changed. Just like that. How did I get here? I swore I'd always be that young, carefree twenty-something, who would constantly be on the pursuit of finding herself, and totally unconcerned with any type of responsibility. Imagine that.
Time moves so quickly that we often get lost in the shuffle of each passing day. Life and time wait for no one. As much as there are days where I miss that carefree, twenty-something girl so badly, I love and appreciate this "new" thirty-something woman so much more. I know who I am and for the most part ( I still hate my tummy) I'm comfortable and confident in my skin. The new me tends to laugh really hard and roll my eyes at how stupid the old me was. But, thats life, right? Also, I'd like to make it crystal clear before going any further, that I LOVE my child, my career, and my day to day life, very much. I love them more than I could ever put into words. There are just some days that I would prefer flying away to an island and never returning. Moms, I know you can relate. And don't even try to lie about it. Balance, it's all about balance.
Anyway, long story not so short, I spent many years with not a single clue of what I wanted to do with my life. I took a year off after high school, that didn't work out too well. I tried college, three of them to be exact, one for nursing, and two for early childhood education, hated it. After all, I was never the book smart type. That was my most grand excuse. "I work best with my hands. I'm street smart. I'm not a good test taker. I could never work a desk job. I'll figure it out, get off my back." Oh, I figured it out alright. Just about 5 years later than everyone else, but I figured it out. And by fate, not by passion. A friend of mine asked me to give her a ride to a cosmetology school so that she could register for classes, I did, and I left registered, too. It was a major "ah-hah" moment. Like, I knew I was supposed to be there. Fast forward 10 years and you've got a salon owner. Again, by fate. Don't get me wrong, I've worked extremely hard to build my business, but it all ended up happening over a joke that I never intended on taking seriously. Now, I couldn't imagine getting up each day and not doing what I do for a living. I had no passion for the industry because I had no idea I had the talent for it. Talents are discovered everyday, you just have to find it and never waste it. Everything in life happens for a reason. The universe has a master plan for us even if it sends us jumping through hurdles to get to it.
Back to fate. Fate is also how I became a mother. I've just recently begun calling myself a mother instead of a step-mother, because at the end of the day, a mother is what I am. I went to this random Halloween party when I was probably 19 or 20 years old. This really cute guy caught my attention. He was dressed as one of the Beastie Boys and was wearing an Adidas track suit and a big, gold chain. He also had the most perfectly arched eyebrows I've ever seen on a man in my life. Natural, too, not waxed. Impressive. I've always been a sucker for some good brows, what can I say? Apparently, so I've been told, he gave my friend his number for her to give to me, but neither myself nor my friend remember that part. Blame it on the Natty Light, I guess. Never got his number. The cute guy from the Halloween party got away. Fast forward about 3 years, the cute guy from the Halloween party reappears. Another girlfriend of mine was dating his brother. Fate. I knew he was a babe so I made her hook it up. I'm now dating the cute guy from the Halloween party with the great eyebrows. He had a beautiful little daughter, second grade to be exact, and he was raising her almost completely on his own. He and I ended up falling in love, moving in together, and as time went on and certain circumstances changed, I assumed the motherly position. That little girl became my best friend and my number one partner in crime. She is now a sophomore in high school. 15 and a half years old. It's incredible how beautiful she is. Scary, but incredible. I have never known a love like this. In fact, I didn't even think I was capable of giving or feeling this kind of love. She is my purpose. Fate brought me to her. Unfortunately, after almost a decade since that random Halloween party, me and the Beastie Boy with the great eyebrows, ended very abruptly. But, the universe knew what it was doing when it introduced me to that Beastie Boy. It was giving me the greatest gift I could have ever asked for and blessing that little girl with a mother. And this is where the blog begins...
Now, I'm a single mom. The Beastie Boy and I agreed to sharing custody of our beautiful 15 year old girl. These past two years of my life have been the most challenging times I've ever experienced . Heartbreak does something to you. It makes you different. I don't recommend it for anyone. A change in family dynamic is always a very difficult challenge for you and your child. New homes, new schedules, and new adjustments. It's uneasy. Working and owning a business full time, raising a child and two dogs, and taking care of a home alone, is not for the weak hearted. Toughest job on this planet. Most days I struggle to survive, and to boot, I suffer from depression and severe anxiety. Prior to writing this, only 3 people on this earth knew that. I've decided that I'm going to be open and honest in this blog. It always makes me feel good when I read other women's raw and honest stories. I feel less crazy. Because lets face it, thats everyone's favorite word to use for us single moms anyway, right? We're all a bunch of crazy bitches.
Life Lesson #1 (of many): I have a whole new sense of respect and perspective on the "baby mamas" who are made to appear crazy. Unless you are one (even though I loathe that term), don't speak on them or about them. There are two sides to every story. Period.
Did I mention I have a 15 year old DAUGHTER?! I'm in the not so glorious prime of the teenage years. If you have yet to experience what this is like, please keep your parenting opinions and advice to yourself. You think you know, but you have no idea. It's like a creature has taken over that beautiful, little child you once knew. Creepy and at times VERY scary. But, low and behold, there are moments of hope that keep us moms from losing it altogether. Temporary and short lived glimmers of the pre-teenager that once loved us and didn't tell us how awful we are, everyday. Those moments are rare, but they happen. At the end of the day, during those times when my little girl is clearly being possessed by some demonic entity, I still love her just the same as I always have, even if I'm fantasizing about that imaginary island I plan on escaping to.
Being a woman is one of the most amazing gifts on earth. We can forgive and love beyond any flaw, be caretakers even when we need to be taken care of, create and carry human life, and multi-task our asses off. We are a breed of our own. I hope that this blog becomes a place where women can come to laugh, cry, and walk away thinking, "See, I'm not the only one."